Get It Girl

"A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." -Mahatma Ghandi

Please be good to yourself. Stand up. Say no, even if you're not the person to say no because it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't come out of your comfort zone surely you'll be destined for uncomfort. I mean its okay to give, but it has to be to an extent. Ask yourself this, "How much can I give and still have comfort for myself?" In William Ury's The Power of a Positive No he talks about the difficulties that come along with exercising your power and tending to your relationship. He discusses the power-versus-relationship struggle in a system which he calls "The Three-A Trap," which encompasses: accommodation, attacking, and avoidance.

In the section about accommodation he talks about saying yes when you want to say no. He describes how saying yes when you want to say no is destructive because it undermines your deeper interest. In opposition to his views on accommodation Ury next describes attacking your solicitor, saying no without concern for your relationship. He simulates accommodation with fear and attacking with anger. The third 'A' in Ury's "Three-A Trap" is avoidance, saying nothing at all because your'e afraid of being offensive. Saying nothing never accomplishes anything. Ury uses 'A Powerful No' as the way out of "The Three-A Trap."

Ury explains 'A Powerful No' as the combination of using your power and reserving your relationship. He talks about how saying NO is actually saying YES; saying yes to yourself and protecting what is important to you. Then hes says how a 'Positive No', in short, is a Yes! No. Yes?. The first yes being an affirmation of your being. The second Yes being an invitation to come to a mutual agreement. He distinguishes the difference between a positive no and accommodation is the respect you give to yourself and your desires. He describes the difference between attacking and a positive no as the respect you give your solicitor as you say no to their demand;standing on your feet and not on their toes.

I didn't actually read this book. I just happened across it while searching for a quote that was relevant to the theme of my blog entry. Everything above came from the little pop up that Amazon gives you to preview a book. This was not supposed to be a book report but I'm tired and Grizzly Bear Came on my Jango while I was typing and it just lured me in .